If you haven't noticed, I have a tendancy to get a little irrational and weird at night.

I don't know why I can't sleep.  I start to feel like maybe there is a reason I am awake, then I start to get all freaked out.  Like I am gonna find something incriminating against Husband or something bad is gonna happen.  In reality, it is probably that I just haven't taken any meds that make my brain be calm in a few weeks.  When I was doing the diet drops it seemed ok.  I actually felt better than I did on my Lithium but then I got sick and didn't do the diet for a few days, then I just didn't pick it back up and I am all out of my meds so I just end up restless. I really don't like restless.  Husband gets up for work in 1 hour (yes, at 2:30 am) and I won't be able to sleep once he leaves either, then I am all alone in a dark scary house. Can't do it.  This is a problem.

Sometimes my mind runs away.  I wish I could fix it.  If I get to thinking about anything further ahead than this day or maybe week, I can't stop my mind from running away and I get scared and I start to shut down and I want to run away. I don't know how to make it better. Do I go back to school or do I look for a full time job? If I go to school do I try to work too? I am so scared that everything won't be ok.

Revelation

Food doesn't make anything feel better.  I guess even if I fail at this diet, I am learning some important life lessons.

I don't feel well today

Taking the day off my diet.  I will pick it back up tomorrow.

I'm better now, and still on my diet.  EXTRA gum makes a mint chocolate chip icecream 5 calorie sugar free gum.  I think it will save my sanity. Thank you EXTRA.

today

Today I have a headache and I just want chocolate and might quit this stupid diet and be able to eat cheese and then go jogging. gurrrrrr